Wait, No! That's Not What I Meant...

A new segment I like to call, "Wait, NO! That's not what I meant..."

"There's something about a child's laughter that brings me to my knees...

wait, no! That's not what I meant..."

end.

Top 10 Ways to Defeat [or stay alive whilst dealing with] an Opponent Armed With a Dagger

Daggers are small. This we know. What we may not know is that they are small, sharp and pointy. Small enough to stow away in you average gym sock [average meaning they are white, long and tube-like, and often accompanied with the stripes around the calf...but that's not important right now--moving forward] and sharp enough for Pan to slay Hook with a single, swift, thrust to his clock ticking heart.

So, me being a retired street fighter [yes, like the video game] I want to equip you with some tips on how to conquer villainous minorities [because white people are nice and they are our future].

1. DON'T LISTEN TO YOUR INSTINCTS. Remember how many times they have failed you, so FIGHT BACK with an imaginary knife. This can lead to the opponent believing you're in desperate need of psychiatric help and will trigger their concernment; often leading to them disarming themselves.

2. RUN, but not into his dagger. [And I assumed the person with the dagger is a male, because they are animals. Girls don't use weapons. Except their nagging, complaining, pots and pans, and other sexist objects...a vacuum]

3. DON'T CALL THE POLICE. they can often mistake you as the suspect and shoot you, which will wound you and leave you prone to dagger attacks. Then you die, and I can't have that kind of guilt on my conscience.

4. DODGE. If he comes thrusting forward, don't just stand there, silly, keep those hips on a swivel.

5. CALL HIM BAD NAMES. Bring up his painful and traumatic childhood of his abusive father and floozy for a mother. This will make the grown man cry and bring him to his knees. He is now vulnerable for rape...dagger rape. [See: #6]

6. [MUST take place AFTER step 5] DO NOT CONSOLE him. He is broken down by the aftermath of a difficult upbringing, steal his dagger and GO FOR THE KILL.

7. DANIEL LaRUSSO injured-ankle crane kick; works every time.

8. PRETEND. Look over his shoulder and slowly [wide-eyed] gaze as if there were, standing ferociously tall behind him, a giant beast waiting to devour all living things that taste like human. He would then turn around [duped by such great role playing] deemed as a sucker; at that point run and text your friend about how clever you are.

9. DO NONE OF THESE THINGS and stick to what they taught you in Kenpo Karate.

10. VOMIT. Just vomit and see where that goes...people don't like vomit.

You're VERY Welcome.

Chatting With Heroes #1: Robin

ThatBoyW0nder (11:05:03 AM): Sup, foo!

Joleisheckadumb (11:05:04 AM): AUTO-RESPONSE: Countin’ my rocks at the end of the block. Holla at me if you need some nose candies!

Joleisheckadumb (11:05:10 AM): Sup, gay.

ThatBoyW0nder (11:06:00 AM): Dude, don't let Batz see your away message, he'll pop ya'.

Joleisheckadumb (11:06:02 AM): Chill out, man. It's a joke. Plus I only do drugs on weekends.

ThatBoyW0nder (11:06:07 AM): HA! What are you doin’ tonight?

Joleisheckadumb (11:06:10 AM): Dude, its not even noon yet and your asking me what I’m doing tonight? Why do you always do that?

Joleisheckadumb (11:06:19 AM): I might be going to a bar. Is Batman there? Tell him to give me a ride.

ThatBoyW0nder (11:06:28 AM): He’s in the shower. Why don’t you drive, you have a car.

Joleisheckadumb (11:07:00 AM): Because I’m planning to drink, son. Plus I’d look badass rolling in the BM, you crime-fighting d00sh.

ThatBoyW0nder (11:07:38 AM): Well, I’m trying to find something to do.

Joleisheckadumb (11:08:06 AM): Look for longer shorts! HAHAHA! LOL!

ThatBoyW0nder (11:08:42 AM): stfu asshole. I know! But Batz is like “I’m the only one who wears pants in this duo”. Like he doesn’t get enough praise from the city people.

ThatBoyW0nder (11:08:59 AM): And I had some longer ones, but it made me look like a cyclist.

Joleisheckadumb (11:09:06 AM): Well the one’s that you wear now make you look pre-pubescent. So, fix that.

Joleisheckadumb (11:09:11 AM): I’m not trying to be seen hanging out with you wearing those ass-hugging green shorts.

Joleisheckadumb (11:09:18 AM): I wouldn’t even want to be seen being saved by you wearing an outfit like that. People might get the wrong idea. HAHAHA!

ThatBoyW0nder (11:10:00 AM): Batz just got out of the shower. He said he’ll swoop you up around 10pm.

Joleisheckadumb (11:10:14 AM): Sweet. I’m gonna go make breakfast.

ThatBoyW0nder (11:10:22: AM): Cool. Is it cool if I come out tonight?

Joleisheckadumb (11:10:23 AM): As long as you don't dress like you're wrestling for Gay Rights, yeah. I mean, it would be fine if you were gay...

Joleisheckadumb (11:10:25 AM): But you're not, right?

ThatBoyW0nder has signed off

ThatBoyW0nder has signed on

ThatBoyW0nder (11:17:04 AM): I had to reset my computer. And NO I'm not gay.

Joleisheckadumb (11:17:05 AM): AUTO-RESPONSE: Makin' Brefuss because Robin likes men.

ThatBoyW0nder (11:17:08 AM): You're a dick.