022609 It's A Boy

My Sister just had her second child today, a baby boy. Congratulations.  Jaylen Makai Smith born at 12:34AM today.  Yay! Now I have a niece to have tea parties with and a nephew I can wrestle!

I'm happy.

021109 Not My Idea Of A Murder Mystery

Last night, I experienced a rare yet discernible dream, a first I think, and very eerie; that in which involved a nuance of puzzles and semiotic relevance to a murder mystery i.e. Clue. Now, when it comes to dreams, I do not recall them in their entirety but rather in fragments or scenes as I'm sure a lot of you do as well. Now the irony in such "dream absentmindedness" is damn near palpable, in respect to this current dream I had about the motif of murders (as I like to consider it). Trying to recollect particular scenes of a dream about deciphering a murder scene seems pretty ironic to me. So lets get to it (caution: this dream isn't scary but may be to readers, it is truly the most eeriest I've experienced, so read carefully...and no, nothing is going to jump onto your screen).

In the corner of an empty small wooden-wall furnished bedroom sits an old theatre teacher of mine from college, and certified genius in my defense, Craig Fleming. There is a single strung light dangling from the ceiling in the center of the room (the kind you would see illuminating a black bagged/hooded victim as they sit in the interrogation/torture seat on a Friday night). I sit at the opposing corner, left of him, behind a white small square table. On it, a newspaper which I haven't looked at yet, I just know through my peripheral and the aroma the uncoated groundwood paper tagged by mineral oil ink gives off.

He tells me to look at the crossword puzzle inside it. I open it up only to find a giant crossword puzzle on the center of the right page that was started but not finished. 17 across catches my eye because it is subtly illuminated, glowing almost. It's 9 letters long, 9 boxes long that is. After the first 2 boxes, 4 of the boxes are traced by a rectangle, as if it were a clue; a word within a word if you will. So it came to my attention that there is a 4 letter word within this 9 letter word but why? I look on the left page for corresponding clues for the empty boxes, nothing but one clue and it was for 17 across, that read "There has been a murder." I look at Craig and ask him if he knows the word. He replies, "You have to figure it out. Not me" So I began to assume that this 9 letter word is the answer to the murder.

Here's where it gets creepy. On the left page above the corresponding clue for 17 across, was a picture of a white bed the murder took place on drawn with blood. It was fresh, not yet settled in fully into the fabric or stained or saturated. I use the word drawn because, the pattern of the blood on the bed was the same exact pattern (but on a larger scale; the bed) of the crossword puzzle, just slightly messier. The extension of lines and the variety of length or sizes of the blood "stain" was almost proportional to that of the crossword puzzle despite the size differential (like a bloody crossword if you will). My eyes kept rallying back and forth from left page to right page as I kept trying to think of the 4 letter word and the 9 letter word. I lowered the newspaper back on the table, and in the room, before my eyes, was the bed from the picture. We stared at it. I got up to examine it, and what was written in the ruddy stained crossword puzzle, on the bed, in 17 across, in 9 red stained boxes, I'll never know, because I woke up.

Fin.

020709 Happy V-Day and by V I Do Mean Vagina

So Valentine's Day is coming up, and cupid is on the prowl ready to shoot his sex arrow ever so gently into your extremities with his Legolas-esque preciseness and accuracy. So if you're not a big fan of V-Day and you're a gigolo (or whore) or you just can't fathom the idea of a relationship, then I strongly advise you to wear a cup on the 14th and get your hand ready for the night of its life. 

Right now Proflowers.com is having a special; a dozen roses for $30 (vase included), but wait, there's more! You'll receive an additional dozen more for free! For that special someone...else. Because nothing says I love you like "please suspect that I am cheating on you with my OTHER girlfriend" OR here are 24 roses stuffed in a small vase, enjoy the plethora of aphids and/or pests. So I'm contemplating on completing my gift with an abundant amount of pesticides. Enjoy. 

As a dominant male (lol, not so much) I wouldn't mind if my "GF" got me roses. I'd take care of them as if they were one of my own. Feed them, bathe them. I'd bring them everywhere and treat them to a nice cone of Pistachio Gelato or take them to see a rousing game of street ball in the ghetto courts of East LA. (Note to self, spray paint some of the roses BLUE just to be safe)

Oh, and on the day of love, don't you dare forget it is still Black History Month. So when you celebrate the love through the majesty of romance, don't forget who invented it, that's right, African Americans. It is their month, so it is their day. Except they call it, ValentiMes day. with an 'M'.  Maybe cupid had a gat? 

And if you're planning to break up with that horrendous annoyance that you call a girlfriend but want to give her one last gift, throw her a card that reads on the front "Roses are red, violets are blue..." and inside "I think we should see other people...bitch"

CHEERS.

020209 I LOVE BLACK PEOPLE/Happy black history month

Today, I saw another young african american college student with the shirt "OBAMA IS THE NEW BLACK" which made me want to revisit this old blog I had from a month ago...

"I saw a black woman, who can easily be mistaken as a sassy gal, with a shirt that read, in post-modern techno font, "OBAMA IS THE NEW BLACK".  Now satyrical or not, what is that suppose to mean? You're disregarding the term "African American". and just because you're a black woman, you're allowed to see color and I'm not? Are you suggesting that FINALLY "your people" have some sort of integrity and intellect because our president is an African American? First of all lady, your shirt is too hip for office, and second, you, wearing that shirt, makes your race as a whole look ridiculous because you're suggesting that before Obama, there wasn't any room for intelligent African Americans. There's this one guy, named Martin Luther King, Jr.  who has a HOLIDAY that lasts an entire month, who changed the course of history and who set the bar for so many black people; ever heard of him? Probably not because your BET channel is on way too loud and you have a subwoofer connected to your 17 inch TV.  Anyway, MLK set the bar, but the latter African Americans took that bar, molded it, welded it into a gun and shot their own kind; some of them took the bar as it is and brought it to the Rodney King riot/beating. People, you need to watch the BOONDOCKS episode called "The Return of The King" and learn a thing or two. Youtube it or Hulu it or something. I am in no way a racist nor prejudice in anyway, just only against black people wearing shirts that read "OBAMA IS THE NEW BLACK" because he's more than that, he's the new PRESIDENT."

Have you seen Stephen Chow's Kung-Fu Hustle? I saw it some years ago, which allowed me to forget how innovatively (not a word but should be) awesome and highly entertaining it was after seeing it again a few days ago. He also did Shaolin Soccer which was creatively enticing enough to recommend but not if it's a toss up between that and Kung-Fu Hustle on a kettle corn filled friday night with some nerd buddies you took Ninjutsu class back in 5th grade with; or if you were like me and your parents frowned upon such "violence"/self-defense classes or just didn't want to spend the money, then you just watched Power Rangers in order to learn how to fight, of course until you put your dukes up with Patrick Douglas, the 6th grade bully, and tried to morph into something spectacularly unstoppable which inevitably lead to THREE things (1)embarrassment, (2)a black eye, and (3)not having a girl to dance with at the school dance.

Super Bowl 43 just ended. Congratulations to the Pittsburgh Steelers and their victory. If I still had my retro Steelers jacket I wore when I was 5 years old, you better believe I'd force that around this stud-like body of mine and celebrate with them.

CHEERS.