I attempted creating a survey. I asked myself these questions and answered them. So you're probably wondering, Does he talk to himself? um. YES, very much so.
Have you ever experienced a NDE (near death experience)?
- yes, a game of tag with death him/herself he grazed the cuff of my shirt
Who's your daddy and what does he do?
- He's an interior decorator for Paige Davis
What did you do last night @ 10:00pm
- Ate a waffle with the ghost of christmas present
What was the first word(s) you said as a baby?
- This milk is chunky...
Who was the last person to punch you in the face?
- Both Olsen Twins
Have you been in a heated conversation that resulted in fisticuffs?
- Yes. It was with Kimbo Slice and I lost. Surprisingly...
What makes you simply the best for this job?
- Well I think I am definitely qualified for the job and I consider myself a diligent worker with a substantial amount of integrity and charisma...wait a minute...I didn't know there was an interview question involved.
What is your favorite day of the week?
- Thursdays
How many siblings do you wish you had?
- 24
If there is one person whom you wish ceased to exist, who would it be?
- Tila Tequila. hands down. the fact that i know who that is makes me want to kill myself.
What do you think about Jessica Alba?
- She is just a terrible terrible actress if you even want to recognize her for that. She is an untalented woman with a cute face, that's it. She should play Helen Keller for the rest of her career. She might even ruin that role she's so bad.
Is it cold right now?
- very.
Are you wearing a jacket?
- yes.
What color panties are you wearing?
- They're manties and they're burnt siena
If you saw the 10 year old version of you on the street, what would you say/do?
- I'd beat him/myself up and teach him/myself a lesson.
You're in a room with Johnny Depp and John Stamos, who do you make out with?
- Both. Depends on who makes the first move.
Now a room with Victoria Beckham and Kate Beckinsale?
- Both and hopefully it goes somewhere and I can have a strong and financially stable relationship with both of them.
If you were a zombie, whose brain would you devour first?
- Probably George W's. wait nevermind, that won't satiate the hunger in the least.
How often do you use the anatomical words 'penis' or 'vagina'?
- Everyday. especially since gynecology is a hobby of mine. lol.
What is the best song you've heard of 2008?
- it's a toss up between Beyonce's Single Ladies and Copeland's On The Safest Ledge
Who is the last person you saw that you just wanted to slap the shit out of?
- Julian. I always want to slap the shit out of Julian. always.
Why would you want to slap this person?
- his haircuts just...ugh. they just make him soo....slappable.
If you can take two animals and combine them, what would they be and what would you name it?
- its a toss up between a Pig and an Own, a POWL and a Rhinoceros and Penguin, a Rhenguinecorin (ren-gwin-es-oh-rin)
You made your own survey, how bored are you?
- not bored at all, just being thoughtful.
You are given 1 million dollars that you can only spend on one type of food or entree. What food do you buy?
- Any kind of salmon dish. I LOVE SALMON<3333
What would your stripper name be?
- Thunder McCallister
Can you do a backflip?
- I won't land on my feet YES!
Can you dance?
- Does OJ Simpson love getting into trouble?! HELLS YES I CAN!
Last question...
Why did the chicken cross the road?
- because black people would have been furious if she had not.
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Love this.
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