020709 Happy V-Day and by V I Do Mean Vagina

So Valentine's Day is coming up, and cupid is on the prowl ready to shoot his sex arrow ever so gently into your extremities with his Legolas-esque preciseness and accuracy. So if you're not a big fan of V-Day and you're a gigolo (or whore) or you just can't fathom the idea of a relationship, then I strongly advise you to wear a cup on the 14th and get your hand ready for the night of its life. 

Right now Proflowers.com is having a special; a dozen roses for $30 (vase included), but wait, there's more! You'll receive an additional dozen more for free! For that special someone...else. Because nothing says I love you like "please suspect that I am cheating on you with my OTHER girlfriend" OR here are 24 roses stuffed in a small vase, enjoy the plethora of aphids and/or pests. So I'm contemplating on completing my gift with an abundant amount of pesticides. Enjoy. 

As a dominant male (lol, not so much) I wouldn't mind if my "GF" got me roses. I'd take care of them as if they were one of my own. Feed them, bathe them. I'd bring them everywhere and treat them to a nice cone of Pistachio Gelato or take them to see a rousing game of street ball in the ghetto courts of East LA. (Note to self, spray paint some of the roses BLUE just to be safe)

Oh, and on the day of love, don't you dare forget it is still Black History Month. So when you celebrate the love through the majesty of romance, don't forget who invented it, that's right, African Americans. It is their month, so it is their day. Except they call it, ValentiMes day. with an 'M'.  Maybe cupid had a gat? 

And if you're planning to break up with that horrendous annoyance that you call a girlfriend but want to give her one last gift, throw her a card that reads on the front "Roses are red, violets are blue..." and inside "I think we should see other people...bitch"

CHEERS.